Thursday, October 22, 2009

f*ck this

i was just praying for peace and understanding. when i think about the future, sometimes i get nervous about how all will work out, as it is my responsibility to make things happen. a bit of pressure right?
so, instead of thinking, how can we go to peru and really make do? because really, it is a place i'd like to try, im instead thinking, well, what about our seasonal work? we'll save from that. and, if that doesn't seem to work, we'll go somewhere else. let our hearts roam free.
teachers in peru make 6k a year. not really able to support two people from that right?
especially if we want to travel and enjoy ourselves. only asian countries pay something higher. but we'll hopefully have savings, and there are lots of options for after that.
from there we could visit new zealand for a working holiday, or go to someplace in asia (if you would want).
all is relative. all options are free. we could go back to the states. work some more in a park or something. a different one. and leave again.
we'll let our hearts be our guides. we just need to learn to be smart about this process. there is a better way to travel. finances have to be considered. and well, i'm pretty sure we'll be taken care of. God has us. whatever we do. and that gives me peace.

Monday, October 19, 2009

seize her

last night was horrifying. i cannot think on it. i try though. to replay it all. but every time i do, my heart beats fast and my insides shreik, "mercy! please! please!" But then I think it could be healthy too. But maybe it's too soon.
my beautiful, beautiful darling. don't ever do that again.
ha. no, that wasn't planned. i know. bad joke.
but darling, i cannot express the fear that left me with. i love you so dearly. and that haunts me a bit.
i'll leave it at that. i am in class. distraught. my heartbeats can't keep steady pace.
that scared me so much. i cannot describe. i am so glad you are okay. i thank God for his mercy and understanding and healing hand.
thank you, thank you, thank you Jesus.
darling, i love you so dearly. You were cradled in my arms. And I screamed and cried. Your eyes rolled back.
I am so glad you are safe. I love you so dearly.
my thoughts are discombobulated.
just...
praise god.
praise god.
praise god.